I will share a secret with you; the way to the toilets in a hotel will reveal its untold story. After this stroll you will notice so many details which, I am sure, will either completely seduce you or make you fall out of love with the visited palazzo.

Here are some questions which might change your opinion for the better or for the worse:

1. Did you ask for directions to the reception manager who gave you a never-ending explanation which made you turn on Google maps or were you too shy to do so and ended up in the kitchen or storage room?

2. Do you know the most-used synonyms to indicate toilets? How about: bathroom, cloakroom, closet, comfort room, comfort station, escape room, gents or ladies, latrine, lavatory, loo, powder room, privy, throne, reading room, urinal, washroom, and water closet (W.C.)?

3. Was it an original staircase you had to walk down or did you get annoyed at the thought that you would have to climb them up on your way back?

4. Was it a short corridor leading to your destination or were you thinking of renting an electric bike? A rickshaw? Or a horse?

5. Was the surrounding art on your way frightening? Astonishing? Surprising? Flabbergasting?

6. Did bronze masterpieces, African masks, a copy of Michelangelo’s David, turtle shells or deer antlers ornament the corridor walls?

7. Were you suddenly surrounded by 13 laughing women, bumped into a “pissoir” or was it clear to you which was the ladies’ section and which was the gents’?

8. As you set foot in the lavatory did you feel you were entering an original and stunning universe or a dumped and neglected backyard?

9. How was the decor? Was it bling bling? Chic et choc? Woow? LOL? OMG? ILY? LMAO? WTF? IDK? SMH? FFS? ROFL? IDC? NSFW? NM? GTFO? DGAF? SMFH? ROFLMAO? LMGTFY? RL? W/E (admit it, I’m cool and impressive for a proud Generation X-er, right?)?

10. Was the smell like a breeze of fresh air? Morning dew? Cinnamon buns? Vanilla? Rosenwasser? Or were you overpowered by potpourri that urgently needed to be replaced as a migraine was slowly but surely climbing to your head?

11. Did the door of the cubicle close effortlessly or did you have to try all of them to ascertain no one would disturb your privacy or would have to save you from a locked door in an embarrassing condition?

12. Was your retreat complete or were the stall doors not fully enclosed? Did you feel safely isolated in your cubicle or were you surrounded by too many (unwanted) companions?

13. Was the W.C. seat down or did you almost drown in it (if you were lucky)? Could you touch the ground with your feet or were you sitting like a 4-year-old on a bench?

14. Was there music? Was it a relaxing, jazzy, sea sounding music or did it make you nervous and provide you with an urgent need to leave the place and never return?

15. Were there interesting magazines? Did they carry you away to unknown horizons? Suggested ideas for the new interior design of your house? Or did you study the safety regulations and advertisements out of boredom as no reading material was available?

16. Was there a mirror on the door of the cubicle or only near and above the sinks? Did they make you feel beautiful, glamorous or numb, colorless, old and/or fat?

17. Was the toilet paper folded in the hotel’s specific way? But more importantly, how was the quality of the paper? Worth the hotel’s 5 stars or to be used to scrape the walls?

18. Did the lights turn off while you were still on the throne, making you panic in a moment of pure relaxation? Was there a flushing mechanism which started to function while you were still on the loo? Was it complicated to let the water flow from the taps on your beautiful manicured hands or did you move them around like an acrobatic voodoo magician?

19. Were there creams and lotions? Were they pleasant or sticky, wet and uncomfortable and did you have to wash your hands again and go through the whole infrared sink carnival to get rid of them?

20. How did you dry your hands? Was there a discreet jet fighter hand dryer? Were there sandpaper towels? Or soft towels which offered a smooth massage and made you want to book a spa in the palace?

I’m pretty sure a satisfied smile appeared on your face as you left the water closets because most people love hotel lavatories as they tend to be more comfortable, original and cleaner.

There is usually also a surprising and thoughtful little detail which will transform your toilet visit into a memorable and funny moment…. Which I would be very keen to hear from you! So, please don’t be shy, sit down on one of the comfortable lobby sofas, take a deep breath, relax and please share your stories with me!